


Instinct

by Pinkelotje



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Ghostza, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Phil Watson-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), ghost!philza, will add more tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:20:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29534661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkelotje/pseuds/Pinkelotje
Summary: What if ghostza is a husk of what phil once used to be, only focused on survival. A ghost forever acting upon primal instinct and relying on his nature of being a hardcore player, never fully realizing that he has already lost the game.Basically me writing ghostza and techno finding him and being sad
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Technoblade & Phil Watson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 126





	1. Purpose

All he knew was his gut instinct, that primal need to survive. There was no need to survive, yet the feeling that you needed to keep going kept with him and it accompanied him when nothing else would. 

The figment of his body floated above the snow. He wore a white kimono covered with green accented embroidery, there was a similarly coloured bucket hat laid on top of his blond hair. His features were unclear, the pale skin barely visible because of his transparent figure. The big black wings on his back protected him proudly and contrasted the pearly white outfit, reminding him of loss although he didn’t know why.

Days went by, of him rhythmically whirling through the air. The breeze making his feathers quietly shake around and his hair flows like waves.  
He had spent some time just flapping his wings. Enjoying the sky and harsh winds from the arctic, in a way comforting him. The freezing cold awaked a certain familiarity, something of a time long past that he couldn’t remember.

It was the same routine, following the sun until she set, making it time for Phil to settle down. Resonating in mountainside caves, protected from outside mobs that could come and kill him. The hairs on his neck standing straight up with the slightest of noise. Even A droplet of water could make his skin crawl in fear, taking in everything around and making sure he had nothing to worry about. 

He slept with his wings wrapped around him as a weighted blanket. His feathery companions kept him warm and kept him safe. Cautiously he had made it a habit to sleep with one eye open, making sure nothing could get close while his guard was down, like how some birds would. 

———

He aimlessly wandered over the landscapes. Eyes scanning every tree, cautiously aware of his surroundings.  
His ears perked up when the sound of footsteps could be heard. The sounds didn’t seem to belong to anything or anyone, as there was no one in sight for as far as the eye could see. It made him anxious, it made his instincts kick in but he ignored that for now.

For a while it was quiet again, until.

“Phil ?” A wavering voice asked from behind the snowy winds.

There it was again, that impulse to run and get to safety without any sight of danger. It was a frightening feeling that made his senses sharpen, to over work and overthink every bit of information thrown at him.  
The stranger was a blur when coming into his line of sight, the heavy snowflakes flying around their physique. He made a mental note of their seemingly massive body type, big and strong presumably holding an axe.  
Seeing the person take a step closer, sensitively holding up a hand towards him made Phil hesitate for second. That second was instantly followed by his wings spreading and taking off into the horizon. Quickly fleeing away together with his closest friend, the wind. 

A distant scream of his name could be heard, Sounding desperate.

———

Together with the wind Phil chimed a tune. Softly humming a melody on top of the mountain he sat on. He felt the world around him smile back as he enjoyed himself, taking in every moment he had on this earth. 

The moment of peace was disturbed once again.

“Phil please, just wait” the same voice as before spoke.

Phil’s trusty wings opened as a reflex, his wingspan overshadowing the other person's body. He was planning on leaving, until he got a glimpse of the person's face.  
Something inside of him broke down the wall that kept him safe from harm, the part of his mind that told him to survive and nothing else.

The others teary eyes stared at him with pure desperation. Now Phil had full view of their facial features; the scars covering their face, the pointed ears decorated with golden ear rings and the unkept pink hair that was weaved into a braid. He assumed the man to be some kind of piglin hybrid. Their characteristics seemed to spark something in Phil’s mind, did he know this person? Well obviously the piglin knew him as he had let his name fall many times already.  
The thoughts in Phil’s mind yelled at him, questioning the smidge of trust he felt for this person. The doubt in his mind made his hand hover over the hilt that belonged to the sword hung to his belt. 

The person spoke again, in a deep raspy voice, “you’re- you’re actually here ?”.

Phil had a blank expression on his face while the other seemed to have a spectrum of many emotions written across his.  
The winged man took in the words spoken by the person, not understanding what he meant. Of course he was here, he knew he was here.

“Hello ?” Phil spoke, his voice having a soft echo to it. “I’m sorry but I don’t know what you mean mate”.

The piglins face was painted with hurt, his eyebrows curling down. Even though his posture was powerful he seemed to be standing in-defensive. Phil could easily spot multiple weaknesses in his stance if anything went wrong.

The man quietly mumbled to himself, “it’s just like ghostbur”. His eyes darted towards the ground, he seemed to be considering his options. Phil took that second to do the same while inspecting the man further. 

Their eyes met again as the other spoke, “do you, remember me?”. His voice seemed to break when the sentence left his mouth.

“No,” Phil simply replied.

The unknown man had hurt written across his face. Eyes widening in the realisation, looking as if he had just been to a funeral of a loved one. He ran his hand through the pink hair while his eyes shifted from place to place obviously distressed.

Phil felt his own heart beat quicken together with the stranger, syncing together in confusion and stress. His breathing got more heavy with every second he saw the man, something hurt so much to see him so troubled.  
Being hurt wasn’t good, his mind told him. Thoughts encouraged to leave and get somewhere safe. Hurt means danger, you need to stay alive, is what rang through his mind.

“It’s me, techno” the stranger said, voice shaking.

It didn’t help Phil. 

Techno, waited patiently for a response. His fingers fiddled with the buttons holding up his red cloak. His stare was anticipating something from Phil, Phil could sense it but didn’t know what the man was expecting. It all just made the man anxious, he couldn’t read this person.

When it took a while for any communication to happen, techno took his turn to speak again.  
“I’m sorry”. He took a step closer while speaking those words, reaching out to Phil.

That's when Phil’s mind started racing. His heart beating faster than before, trying to escape the nagging feeling that he was in danger. 

What did he mean by ‘I’m sorry’, why is he moving closer and who is he? Words floating in Phil’s head and tugging at every mussel to react, making him tense up.  
Before he could even rationally think about this he could feel his body move. Flashes of the weak spots he had found earlier played in front of his eyes.  
Phil ducked down slightly to move away from  
The piglin. Then Grabbing his sword, sweeping his feet through the snow to throw his opponent off balance. lastly locking him in by setting the sword up against the mans chin. 

Techno had not even a second to react, already being hurled to the ground. Staring the ghost of his best friend straight into the empty eyes. He never ever let his guard down usually, Phil had always been the one exception to this.  
The feeling of betrayal stinging through his heart, harder than a sword ever could. 

Their eyes were in a battle of their own as neither said anything. Phil stood stiff above techno who was lying in the snow, still a sword held right in front of his nose.

“I don’t trust you” the Phil said coldly, looking down upon the other. 

“Phil I-“ 

Phil moved the sword closer to techno’s face as a threat. The sword was sharp, its glimmering light reflecting on techno’s face. the angel of death could easily slit the others throat, It would be a quick end. Despite the upper hand he had he couldn’t act on his instinct to kill, some small spark inside of him pulled back. 

Wrinkles on technos face pressed together into a hurt glance, still focusing on the man that he had trusted. Eyes softly looking for any sign of what once was.  
“I’m sorry, I really am” he muttered quietly.

Something in Phil’s mind told him those words felt unnatural coming from the stranger. As if Phil knew who he was and knew he never apologised for anything. He didn’t reply.

“I don’t know if you remember at all, but I should’ve protected you.” The man was close to tears confessing to his own emotions. trying to keep track of His friends emotionless stare while the tears unfocused his eyes. “It’s my fault”.

It made the cogs start turning in Phil’s mind, clicking together the few memories he had of his existence Before.  
He didn’t have any real memories, only vague feelings and concepts. The feeling of a sword stinging through his ribs, but without the context. Whispers in his mind reminded him of that sense of pain, that existential feeling of dread one would experience when they lost it all. Those small figments of memory coming together to one realisation.

“I’m dead ?”

The thought dawned on him, making him fall back into his own mind. He took a step back, unknowingly lowering his sword.  
He slowly spaced out, suddenly being so aware of his own reality. Every body part that belonged to him was transparent, light traveling through his incorporeal figure. It was taunting him, the bright sunbeams danced on his physique and taunted him with the fact he was no longer real. 

All this time he was driven by survival and nothing else. Wasting away in the barren landscapes, being too scared of death to make the connection that he had seen it already. 

He was playing a game he had already lost. 

Techno didn’t say a word but acknowledged Phil’s confusion with a comforting silence. Giving the ghost time to think. 

Phil surprisingly snapped out his thoughts the moment he noticed techno standing up in the corner of his eye. Quickly wanting to go back into attack only for techno to apprehend him, taking the sword away. 

“We don’t have to fight,” his deep voice said.

The angels feathers ruffled up and he was ready to make his escape, to feel a moment of safety. But the lingering feeling of now knowing that he had nothing to run from made him stop in his tracks.  
Like a scared little hatchling, not knowing where to go or what to think at this moment. He felt the need to survive yet had already died, what was there left for him.  
Ghosts stay when they have unfinished business yet he felt utterly lost in this world, not having a purpose anymore. 

Techno cautiously took a step closer, now keeping in mind Phil’s movements to make sure he wasn’t overstepping boundaries.  
The piglin moved his hand towards the ghost, as an invitation to come near. He didn’t know how to comfort people, but he knew one wrong step could make his friend leave.

“Please phil, come with me for now” 

The ghost hesitated, he felt disoriented. From all his emotions buzzing through his heart he could find comfort in the others voice, it grounded him. His shaky hand tried to reach and accept his friend's invitation. 

Despite the distrust chaining him down he took this chance, took this opportunity to find a purpose beyond survival.


	2. No answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ghostza and Techno don’t know how to deal with their current situation.

The steamy clouds from the fireplace left the chimney of techno's cottage. The fire inside sparkling brightly as Phil had sat down in front of it, the light shining through him.

Techno stared at him for a bit, feeling his guts turn from all the emotions he felt upon seeing his dead friend.  
It had been only an hour ago when he finally caught the ghost to listen and stick around, days before that he had seen the guy around multiple times. Seeing the floating man made techno think he was insane, assuming it to be a figment of his imagination.

After a while techno started to follow his trail, being surprised to find an amnesiac ghost. The realisation that his friend didn’t remember him made him drown in the feeling of loneliness. He had his companion back but it was obvious Phil didn’t trust him, having tried to kill him not even an hour earlier.

Even now he could sense Phil peaking at him, analysing his steps. The ghost was on guard, never fully turning his back to his former friend and keeping an eye out for any dangers. 

Techno paced around, trying to find the right way to approach this situation. The floorboards under his feet cracked silently, making Phil startled and jump up from his sitting position.  
The ghosts pupils were small and searching around for the source. Anxiously staring at techno who just stared back confused, barely even having noticed the noise.

“Are you alright ?” Techno asked, sounding a lot less sympathetic than he intended. 

Phil’s body movements were jittery as he sat down again, not acknowledging techno’s concern. He seemed on edge, never fully calming down. Eyes focused on the fire in front of him.  
The ghost noticed Techno watching him, but he made the choice to ignore it for now.

The creaking floorboards made a sound once again as Techno moved to sit next to his friend. Phil shuffling away in the other direction to show physical boundaries.  
Techno tried opening his mouth, only to realize there were no thoughts that could fill the empty silence. He couldn’t find the words that he needed, only experiencing a gut wrenching sting each time he looked at the other. 

The ghost then finally made an effort to strike up something of a conversation, “so, who are you ?”. His voice was lifeless and cold, not seeming to consider his words.

This wasn’t the question techno had wanted. His foot moved up and down a little while in thought, face turned the fireplace.  
“I am Technoblade”, it felt weird introducing himself like this. “your best friend,” he added quickly, only being met with a confused glance by the ghost in the corner of his eye.

Silence consumed the conversation again as neither of them seemed willing to talk about it.   
Techno just fiddled with his hair, making the braid he wore a tangled mess.   
While Phil sat completely unmoving, an unsettling calm to him while his aura told techno he was deathly afraid. Maybe Phil didn’t move as not to attract unwanted attention. Techno wished to understand what was on his mind, it seemed he was fully aware of the world around him yet was so in his own head.

It took them a while to get the slightest of interaction again. Techno had gotten up to make himself a cup of tea, gladly offering Phil one too. The ghost had refused, which seemed odd because Phil never refused a good cup of tea.

The silence just became another person in the room at this point. That was until.

“Techno?”

Techno looked up from his cup of lukewarm, viewing his friend who still hasn't moved much from his spot. He hummed in acknowledgment to get the conversation going.

“How did I die?” Phil spoke, the same toneless cadence in his voice.

The tea now tasted colder than before as techno took a sip in an attempt to buy himself time. The ghosts eyes stared at him, weirdly innocent and wide and it made techno want to crumble up into a ball. He didn’t have the words, and he definitely didn’t have the emotional strength to relive that moment.

“It doesn’t matter”, techno managed to get out.

“I feel like it does”, Phil instantly replied while his echoing voice seemed to get louder.   
The transparent eyes stared right at Techno with a stern look. He almost seemed mad that the Piglin even suggested not telling him, not letting his gaze go until he got answers. 

Techno felt himself sinking just by the effects of Phil’s angry expression. Some kind of fear bubbling up inside of his throat, making his vocabulary limited. He doesn’t remember Phil ever being mad with him, but it was something he definitely couldn’t handle. 

“Phil…”

The ghost didn’t budge in his mood, awaiting a reply. However techno didn’t comply with what was asked of him.  
Phil had enough and stood up, not speaking a word while making his way to the door. He was held back by Techno who tried to stop him, grabbing his wrist tight before he could reach the doorknob.  
Techno could feel his own hand tremble, as he tried to grasp at any words to say.

“Please phil, don’t. Don’t leave alone again.”

“Then answer my question” 

Tears started welling up in Techno’s eyes, staring right at the other. He was nailed to the ground and not planning on moving.   
There was a smidge of sympathy in Phil’s expression and yet he pulled away. Determined on his path out.

The ghost opened his wing span when out the door, creating a breeze when flapping them. He took off into the air, living his old friend alone by the door once again.

Techno just looked on feeling helpless, it was as if a part of him just flew away, and maybe it did.  
desperately he cried out once more.

“Don’t go, please”.

————

Phil his mind had been racing around constantly, somewhere inside of all those thoughts was him. He felt completely consumed by his head, it made him disoriented.   
When he had decided to stay with the stranger that called him a friend he wanted clarity. Being at that small cottage made him feel safe but something in the back of his brain wanted to leave.   
All he wanted was answers and he didn’t get them, so he returned to what was familiar. Back to flying through the sky because that repetitive motion brought peace to his mind.

He landed on the mountain nearby and just took a deep breath and Let the cold wind flow through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t really have a plan at all for this btw, I’m just vibing. Hope you like it :)!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hope you liked this, any criticism is welcome as long as you keep in mind I'm dyslexic and not natively english :)!


End file.
